Not That You Care…

In light of the recent troubles that lj was experiencing, I decided to just shift all of my stuff here and delete my lj account. I mean, I’ve had lj since high school (also had sconex then too and we see what happened there) so I figured it was time to move on.

Not that you care…

How many people have blogs anyway? I’m sure you’re like, pfft another pseudo intellectual with a blog big deal. Yeah, well. I have no response for that. Honestly, my blog is probably known by less than ten people. I like it that way. I’ve been trying for years to psyche myself up to put myself out there and I’ve gotten…well about $15,000 in student loans, an almost worthless English degree and this blog. I’m okay with that. This is mostly an exercise in writing on a schedule and since I’ve been known to go through electronics like water, this (and a flash drive) seems like a safe place to keep my stuff.

Not that you care…

And so here’s my first wordpress poem…not that…ah you know:

I happened upon a note

trapped within a book

surrounded by pictures

of a younger me and you

luckily –

it’s easy to find answers

to questions about old friends

with simple strokes on a keyboard

so there’s your smile on my screen

familiar when your life is not

and the years pass with clicks

weaving a story of a life that

is beyond the note enclosed with the

picture of you and me

and once I close the screen

and put away the pictures

I continue down the path

that pulls me further away

from the life encased in the picture

of a younger me and you



Something Old…

maybe I should back up these entries if lj is going to be fucking up.

these are some old pieces (at least 5 years old) I found in various emails accts I haven’t used for years. I was kind of lovesick (and trying to hide it) at this point and they reflect it…hard.

its on my mind//all through the night//testing my dreams//where you call out for me//its pressing//twisting my insides//drowning without you//can you see me//im reaching//arms wide open//complete//and torn//there’s my heart//beating in your hands//soul searching//makes me want it back//im hurt without it//my love in your hands//incomplete like puzzle pieces//begging you to explain//what more do you want from me?

The Song
There’s a song
in my heart
singing your praises
with the rhythm of your love
easy smooth beats
over passionate melodies
There’s a song
you will never hear
Stage fright keeps me here
Lights too bright
Too scared
with all eyes on me
I open my mouth
the words never appear
the room is silent
everything is left unsaid

can you hear our silence?
it speaks volumes
it understands me and you
and catches what’s between us
the words that never pass our lips
the things that go unspoken
it fills the space
keeping us apart
there is so much to say
and so many ways to say it

can you feel it?
our thoughts in the air
they linger…trapped
but for mere moments in time
never mind readers
actions are but whispers
compared to words
to make sense of this
silent thing we seem to be

Quiet Desperation

suppose there was nothing
a void- same as before
so in fact I accomplished
nothing really – I remember
in my haze thinking
how much things felt
rather similar and feeling
absolutely nothing at all

there was no peace
no quiet comfort in the
wake of my actions
just another void- an
emptiness, different
but an emptiness
nonetheless and I
was pulled back to the
simple reality that perhaps
there is no true escape
from it all

* believe it or not, I was actually in a good mood when I wrote this *

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