highlight reel

i don’t cry
the tears are
long gone
spent on things
i can’t recall.
i wallow.
stew in my emotions
dig myself in a rut.
cycle it all in my head
think about what
i should’ve done instead.
it replays it over and over,
the reel of my missteps
i add it to the others
the hoard of my mistakes.
eventually it stops
tired and defeated
but the damage is done
depression wins again.

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persuasion

temptation calls me
knows me by name
dug its claws deep
i relish the pain.
he strokes my urges
whispers what i need
i steer this mighty ship
but he’s the cool breeze.
most nights we’re
recounting old stories
and fond memories
he reminds me
of the thrill, the chase
i show him old scars
and tell him of dreams
laid to waste.
he taunts, pick one
this is what you want
a chance to escape
crawl out of your skin
each argument is convincing
the longer i resist
i try to stay strong
but i might just give in.

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dependency

you were my addiction
i craved you with
a breathless eagerness
i haven’t felt since.
the ghost of your touch
haunts me and the fire
inside still burns brightly.
i can close my eyes
and see the past
with such clarity
the present is unfulfilling
and the future
doesn’t look promising.
i suppose i could ask
for one last night
but I’m an addict baby
and I want you for life.

sabotage

old demons lurk and search
an urge to satisfy their curiosity
they seek to devour the softness
and light that settles in my soul
as my imagination runs wild
while reality loses its hold.
the days are filled with longing
during the nights i reminisce
i think of you all the time
my devotion is unwavering.
as the years come and go
and my heart is on the mend
i dream of new beginnings
forgetting about the bitter ends
so the demons try to save me
from the lies i tell myself daily.